i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
