Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
