He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Panties = found
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
