I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
