so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am one with the molecules
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
