I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
