Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
