I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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