i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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