I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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