I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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