My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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