JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
