We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
