3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
