A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
one might say we're banned from that church
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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