I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
