Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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