This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
