Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
