If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
