I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
