More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
