you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
