i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
