whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
