If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
