This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
