can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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