Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
