Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
