The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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