Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
