Betty ford says i'm here all night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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