If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
