I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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