I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
accomplished twins. life is a go
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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