Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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