your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
