he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
