I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
