i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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