Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
