Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
