My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
