4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Shame - the story of my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
