Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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