I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My bed smells like the plague
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
