Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hippo gnu deer
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
