Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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