Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
