just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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