She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
